Not Dead...Again

The lightning struck.

I was in my cabin. Why was I in my cabin? The door was shut. Old and brittle panic broke against the back of my memories and sped my heart into overdrive.

“You’re awake.” A body moved next to me. A body in my bed. A naked body in my bed and the door was shut. He moved over me and I felt him shift between my legs. He was hard and he wanted me. I froze. Why was the door shut? Why was he in here?

“Ready for me?” he whispered. I was a terrified young girl in a room with a shut door and an unknown naked male body. I couldn’t breathe. I couldn’t think. All I could see was endless oceans out of my porthole. “Captain?” he whispered in my ear.

That’s right. I was Captain. I was strong. This was my ship.

I rolled him off me and onto the floor. “Stay away from me!” I pulled open some drawers and knocked him in the head. I grabbed a hoodie and sweatpants and yanked them on.

He grabbed his head and dared to look confused.

“Get out of here!” I shouted at him. I turned and fumbled the door handle. It was locked. My stomach froze. I scrabbled at the handle but it wasn’t opening. It wasn’t opening! “Let me out!” I shouted at him. “No men on my ship!”

“What’s happening? It’s me! It’s Jae.” he protested and wrapped a blanket around himself.

“Get out! Get out!” I shouted. I whirled around in a panic and served him a hard right cross that sent him back to the floor. He was out cold.

“Let me out!” I pounded on the door. Why wouldn’t the door open?! I needed to get out of here. I needed to go home!

“Let me out!” I screamed and sank against the cool metal. I was trapped. I was never getting home. I’d never see my mom again. I’d never see Izzy. I was trapped. Smoke rose from the floor and stung my eyes. It was so hot in here. 

I couldn’t breathe!

There was a rush of footsteps. Panic brought bile to my throat. They were all coming for me. I shrunk away from the door but the cabin was small and it brought me up against the unconscious naked man. The handle clicked and the door swung open into the room.

It was Marco. I flew into his arms.

“It’s okay. It’s okay. It’s okay,” he crooned and held me tightly. “I’ve got you.”

I shuddered against him. He was safe. I was safe. I was out. I clasped him to me and breathed him in but I couldn’t keep it together. I shook and squeezed my eyes shut as he held me together and hummed an old song; the familiar melody giving me a foothold. He rubbed my back and held tight until I finally took a deep breath.

Memories trickled back and I remembered where I was in time to keep my reflexes in check when Catherine, Elizabeth, and Izzy came running down the steps into the galley. I spun and tried (and failed) not to look like the fucking psycho I was.

I couldn’t stop all my responses. I stood protectively in front of Marco in case the threat coming down the stairs was to him. Every muscle was tight and ready to fight or fly. My heart was beating out of my chest.

The three women regarded me and came up with their own assumptions.

“I thought she was past this,” Catherine said, her voice loaded with pity. My cheeks flamed and the urge to flee this space burned through my joints but the galley was small and I didn’t want to push them over.

“Where are you?” Izzy asked and I bristled. 

How had she figured me out so fast? I clamped my teeth together. I wasn’t going to play this game with her right here and now. I took a step towards the stairs but had to back away as Zheng sauntered down. Ugh. Perfect.

“Did she shoot him? He’s one of my best.” Zheng shoved through the crowd towards my cabin to check on Jae. Izzy grabbed her first aid kit and followed her because, of course, the fucking psycho had knocked the nice man unconscious.

“I didn’t hear any gunshots,” Catherine answered for me. I needed to run. I needed not to be here under all these eyes. My body yearned towards the square of sky I could see tantalizingly close.

Marco put a hand on my shoulder and whispered in my ear, “just a few more minutes then they’ll be gone.”

I didn’t shrug his hand off. He stepped closer until he was firmly at my back. I relaxed somewhat, finding a new store of patience.

“He’s okay. He’s breathing,” Izzy said from within my cabin. Izzy passed some smelling salts under Jae’s nose and he stirred and startled. He jumped up, still wrapped in a sheet and rushed past the women to me.

“Captain! I’m so sorry,” he apologized to me as if he was in the wrong, “you were sleeping so soundly –” Marco and Zheng shot me severe looks, “-- I’m afraid I scared you –”

“It’s my fault. Please forgive me,” I said as I cringed from him, the panicked memory of him hovering over me loomed large and relevant behind my eyes.

“Nothing to forgive. Will I see you later?” He was handsome and kind and young. I gave him a curt nod and a stiff smile. More than that was impossible or I’d fall to pieces and no one in this crowd would take that well.

“Jae, go find Amir and some pants. I have work for you and your crew,” Zheng ordered the young man, who bowed and went up and out while rubbing his jaw where I’d hit him.

“Captain?” Elizabeth stepped forward, “it’s me, Elizabeth –”

“I know who you are!” I snapped. One bad moment, one! And they couldn’t leave me alone. Izzy was right, I was a fucking psycho and everyone knew it.

“Has she been doing this a lot?” Zheng asked. Marco was suspiciously quiet; I’d be hearing from him later.

“Yes,” Catherine and Izzy answered simultaneously, the traitors.

“Not for a few years,” Elizabeth said a second behind them before she could catch herself.

I smiled at her, she was still struggling with the time travel jet lag. Elizabeth relaxed as she took in my expression. Bless her, she didn’t consider me nearly as fragile as the rest of them.

“Do you know where you are? And when?” Izzy asked. I hadn’t answered her earlier and she wasn’t going to let it go. I had to think a moment. The portal had bumped us on the way out, we were weeks off from my original exit date, then all the recovery time…I closed my eyes and felt for the date.

“My ship. Zheng’s compound. January 1650.” I answered. Four months until I was burned at the stake.

Izzy blinked as she attempted the math and came up missing a month or two of her life. “Yes. Okay.” She was still doing the math in her head as she asked, “Do you need anything?”

“No.” What I needed was for them all to leave the fucking psycho alone. “Everyone can go. I need to change. I can’t go outside in this.” In my haste I’d chosen my old college sweats, not an outfit that could see daylight in the 17th century.

Elizabeth was satisfied with my health and mental wherewithal and headed out. She would also have plenty of time to talk with me later as we fixed up the ship. Catherine did something odd. She reached out and took my hands and kissed them lightly before replacing them by my side.

“I’ll be over with the children if you need me. We can talk…about anything. If you need me.” Then the young mother took herself and her mysterious comments and kisses up the stairs and out the door. I almost wished she’d stayed.

“She clearly needs to be back on a schedule.” Izzy did not move. She had seen me lose it too many times lately.

“Izzy, I’m fine. I’ll be out in a sec.”

“You are not fine,” she accused me. I had no more lies for her. I sat at the table and put my head in my hands.

“Zheng and I need to have a talk with her, do you mind?” Marco spoke from his place by my side. “I’ll come get you if we need you,” he assured her. I lifted my head to see if my sister would actually take his directions.

“Alright. I’ll just be on the beach,” she said and finally took her leave.

Zheng, Marco, and I didn’t speak. We listened to her footsteps retreat down the dock. Zheng opened the fridge only to slam it closed when she saw it was still broken. I hadn’t fixed the electrical yet. She was a whore for all things cold and technological. When I came to town she’d put all kinds of nonsense in that fridge just to feel it drop in temperature. I once found a pair of her socks in there during the sweltering summer months. I typically hid my phones and ipod and anything else she’d have zero qualms about stealing from me while I stayed in her compounds. I once found an old calculator of mine in her footlocker, one of the ones with a tiny solar battery that could be bought at any drugstore pre turn of the century.

“So,” Zheng tried the faucet. Only a trickle of water came out. The tank must be dry and the reclamation systems ran on electric. “You died. Again.”

“It happens. And what of it, it’s not like you’re the poster child for making good choices.” She’d spent a good portion of her life as a warlord. I was a freaking saint compared to her deeds and exploits.

“Better than you lately,” she snipped.

“Just because no one’s cut off your head doesn’t mean this lawless cowboy town you’ve created –”

“Someone needs to cut your head off. You’re a fucking mess.” She slammed my mug down on my galley counter. She better not have cracked it.

“I’m doing fine,” I growled at her.

“You were doing fine. Then you brought that sister back through the portal and it’s like watching an addict hit rock bottom. It’s time to let her go. She’s killing you!” the bitch hollered.

“Leave Izzy out of this, she’s got nothing to do with it!” I was on my feet and both of us were clutching blades.

“Enough!” Marco got between the two of us. “Zheng, you’ve had your say. Now I get mine.”

“Fine.” She tossed the contents of her mug down the drain and stormed off, throwing, “it’s not like you two need a chaperone!” behind her shoulder at us.

Marco took a moment to breathe before gently unclasping my fingers from the knife handle. He kept ahold of my hand.

“I’m going to say something and I want you to hear it.” He was calm and gentle, the opposite of Zheng and her firestorm of insults.

“I’ll listen,” I growled through clenched teeth. I was still pissed at Zheng but I hadn’t changed so much from that girl at the temple. I’d still do anything for him.

“You matter to me.” He squeezed my hands and I looked up at him. His face was the same as ever, deep brown eyes, slight scruff, warm skin. “Please, can’t you be important to me?” It was a plea I couldn’t refuse.

“Yes.” I wanted to be important to him; he was important to me but I wasn’t ready for a husband right now.

Marco sighed and rolled up his sleeve then pushed mine up. A long time ago we had gotten married and a part of the events included getting tattooed. It took the better part of the day, we’d sat together and endured the pain and at the end had matching, lasting mementos of our commitment to the other. It was a band of stylized geometric shapes and patterns surrounding a turtle. The ink in both images was faded and blurred now but still there, still meaningful.

“What we were to each other,” he traced my tattoo with his finger, “is not what we are to each other now. I know that. You know that.” He looked me square in the eye and I nodded. “I’m not asking for more. I miss my friend and I want her back. Can we just ignore everyone else?” He moved slowly and rested his forehead on mine. In the years before our first kiss, this was how we physicalized our affection; it was simple, it was close, it was familiar.

“Yes,” I agreed. It was what I wanted, to ignore them all and just be who I was without any pressure. I started to live again in this moment; the lightning had struck earlier but now life could begin.

“I talked to Izzy and Zheng,” Marco said after a minute or two of silence. I looked up with a grin, ready for a good story. “I told them to back off. That our relationship is ours and doesn’t need their interference.” He was smiling too.

“And you lived to tell the tale?”

“Against all odds, I did.” We laughed. Yes, I was officially in the land of the living again.

****

Marco stayed with me till I got dressed in appropriate clothing for this era. This latest round of secondary measures had sped my healing process up and I could move much easier. While still raw and swollen and wishing for a vat of ibuprofen, I could walk with minimal help and my chest didn’t pull and seize with every breath. I let Marco assist me off the ship and down the dock anyway.

As warned, Izzy was waiting for me. Her guards stood nearby, tensed and ready to defend their charge against the fucking psycho. I checked and rechecked all of my responses as I approached and she evaluated me.

“Hi.” She lightly put her arms around me like she did when Mom told her she had too. “How are you feeling?” Mom would have told her she had to ask this too.

“Hi.” I patted her back. “Are you alright?” I stepped away so she didn’t have to pretend anymore. “I know you are married, by the way. I just don’t want you to be the one with a harpoon through her chest next. You get that, right?” I doubt she did. The more likely scenario being that she weighted her marriage over my death.

“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have – I shouldn’t have said anything. I’m sorry. Please forgive me,” she said. I didn’t understand what she was asking forgiveness for. Wanting to be with the man she married? That was dumb thing to ask forgiveness for.

“Nothing to forgive.” The smell of food cooking overwhelmed me. I don’t remember when I ate my last meal. “Is there anything to eat? I’m starving.”

“Yes, of course. I’ve been doing some cooking. What are you in the mood for?”

“Anything hot sounds good.” My stomach gripped. I was starving.

“I know just the thing.” She led me over to the kitchen area and started fussing around and plating.

Marco sat tight to my side. He stole a few bites off my platter and when I tried to protest he shoved more food in my mouth.

“Don’t you want your own seat? Or space?” I asked. People were going to talk. I’d already made a big enough fool of myself. Izzy kept stealing glances over my way. To her, he was my husband and I’d cheated on him in a terrible way. I was worse than a slut. I’d broken vows.

“I like it right here where I can catch you if you try to fall down again,” he responded, picking more food off my plate.

Zheng came and took up positon on my other side. The two of them stole every drink Izzy and her servants placed in front of me. I had had enough of alcohol and other substances. What hurt was how they all knew I was too weak to handle even some watered down wine.

“I’m not as pathetic as you all think.”

“You’re not pathetic,” Zheng took a steamed bun and ate it.

“I am if you have to sit here watching my every move.” I sipped the warm tea. It was much better without the opium.

“Or maybe we just like being with you,” Zheng stole another bun. “Ever think about that?”

“I like being here with you too.” We yelled. We screamed. But we loved each other.

“It’s just…” I looked to Marco, “you’re sitting very close.”

“Tell me to move then. Tell me to go sit over there.” Marco gestured to a spot across the fire. I frowned. I liked him where he was but people would talk. He stole more bites off my platter as I fretted.

“Maybe I am that pathetic,” I mumbled and ate something that was probably chicken. I wanted him exactly where he was. Residual panic still skittered just beneath my skin and Marco was warm and safe and sturdy.

“Where do you want to be?” Marco spoke low and soft to me in Hurrian. 

I settled back down but couldn’t explain why I was uncomfortable with her seeing the two of us sitting next to each other. Zheng didn’t care. None of the pirates here would care. I doubted Elizabeth would give it a passing thought. It meant something more to me that Izzy saw me close with Marco. I gave him the last piece of rice cake and Zheng another bun. I knew they were her favorite. Together we finished off the platter and I was glad to have them here.

When Izzy came up I startled away from Marco on instinct. I felt like she’d caught me naked and exposed even though I was anything but. I was bound up as tight and covered as I could get. She was only here to put another full plate by my mostly empty one. She didn’t look at me and Marco when she started talking, focusing on the plates.

“Zheng’s asked me to put together some things for a big party. I’m going on a shopping trip,” she announced.

I looked over at first Zheng and then Marco. Those two decided to be as interested in the plates as my sister. No plates were that interesting. Zheng had done this on purpose. She was sending Izzy away but in a fashion that was altogether too subtle and charming for my bitter old friend’s nature. As my sister detailed the ideas she had I looked over at Marco. This was more his style, right out of his playbook.

“That sounds fun. You’ll love it.” I stole my eggroll back from Marco. He could have his little shopping trip scheme with Izzy but it was going to cost him that eggroll. Plus they were delicious.

“Yeah, I’m pretty excited. I think it’s technically in Vietnam. I’ve always wanted to check out their fabric district.” She drifted back over to the fire. Her servants were ever busy in the background cleaning up behind her.

“Might look a little different here, but I’m sure you’ll find something you like.” This was going to be expensive. Zheng was grinning like an oil tycoon next to me, she was only missing a cigar and a monocle.

“I’m sure it will be very different,” Izzy laughed. Her servants laughed along with their mistress. The three of them had been going around buying up every trinket and clothing item on the grounds. Zheng directed them to me later to collect the bill.

“I know I’m not supposed to ask you for anything,” Izzy continued, “but Zheng said you two would figure out the money? Is that okay?”

I glared at my temple sister who was sitting back, loving the show. I cursed a blue streak under my breath that only made Zheng’s grin bigger, made Marco chuckle, and made Izzy’s servants drop their kitchen implements in shock.

“Of course. Won’t be a problem,” I said in English. But I swear, I absolutely would make good on my threat to spread Zheng’s legs and shove her down on the tallest obelisk I could find and tattoo ‘octopus fucker’ across her forehead while slathering her with sap and birdseed for pigeons to peck holes clear through her –

“Wait…what? Not supposed to ask me for anything?” I asked. Since when?

“Oh. Uh,” Izzy’s eyes drifted towards Marco. “Nothing. I just wanted to make sure that was okay.”

I looked over at Marco too, who looked back at me without blinking and with a small smile. “Uh huh. I see. Still won’t be a problem. It’s fine.”

“Okay. Thanks,” Izzy said and went back to her servants.

Zheng her hand out for payment. I glared. “She hasn’t spent a penny yet!” Zheng didn’t drop her hand. “You know how these parties go. They take care of themselves without help. Izzy won’t do too much damage.”

“Pay up or I go tell her you died again,” Zheng taunted in Cantonese.

“Fine. I’ve got gold, salt –”

“You know what I want. Let’s go.” She motioned towards my ship. I groaned, knowing exactly the perverse acts she was going to make me watch.

“No. Not again.” I leaned back into Marco who looked between us with curiosity. He hadn’t been privy to mine and Zheng’s personal barter system before.

“Just close your eyes if it makes you uncomfortable.”

“We are not doing it again.”

“Just tell me where it is and I’ll meet you in your tent. All debts will be paid.”

“One. Choose one.” Dear god. I couldn’t do all three.

“Nuh uh. I want all three.”

“Zheng, come on. Not all three,” I whined.

“All. Three. Bridget Jones’ Diary. Legally Blonde. Groundhog Day.” Zheng beamed. I died all over again.

“You let Izzy buy whatever she wants. You tell her she can decorate this whole place. She can make all the centerpieces on every table and stool. Centerpieces right up your ass..”

“Deal!” she beamed.

“I only understood a few of those words,” Marco wondered at what sort of torture Zheng had planned for me.

“What’s important is that she knows,” Zheng clapped with glee. “Do you have corn in your hold? I want popcorn. Izzy!” Zheng ran off, calling to my sister. They’d plan the rest of our slumber party.

“Now, I could be mistaken, but it appears you did something nice.” Marco poured us more tea and I settled back with the steaming cup. It was going to be a long night.

“I’m a delight.” I grinned at him. “By the way, you are going to pay for this too,” I warned him. If I was going to sit through this triple feature then so was he.

He scooted around until he was behind me and could pull me into his chest. He put his chin on my shoulder and started signing a low Hurrian song while stealing more off my plate. I started singing along while defending my innocent vegetables from his thieving chopsticks.

Izzy looked over at us again and I pulled away from him slightly. “I’ll let you go if you want.” He didn’t move his arms but he said the words and he would follow through if I asked. Only it felt nice not being the only one holding myself in one piece for once.

“We ought to go get my computer,” I said but didn’t move.

“I assume I’ll understand what that is tonight?” He didn’t move either.

We kept watching the Zheng and Izzy show for a while longer before getting up to pay the piper. I had to ask his help making my way down the steps of my ship to my cabin. I truly was in better shape, but down was harder than up.

While I undid the compartments under my bed that held my laptop, financial portfolios from the 21st, and cases of cash, Marco went right to my shelf that held mine and Maui’s helmets. He picked up Maui’s and ran his hands over the bronze detailing.

“It’s funny, Maui’s been on my mind lately.” He turned the helmet in his hands.

“Oh?” I tried to think of that fucker as little as possible. I hated him. No, I loved him.

I dug for my charger cord in my box of cell phones and chargers through the ages. My arm and knee were in much better shape after the secondary measures. It was far easier to ignore the aches now than a few days ago. Of course, under the opium tea I could ignore all the pain. I paused for a moment to remind myself how badly that had turned out.

“I was out winning my dinner off a few of Zheng’s captains when I remembered how you and he would put on a big show to distract the guards while Mo escaped.” He smiled at the memory. He had a wonderful smile.

I kept searching. Was there a household in the modern world that didn’t have a box of random charger cords?

“I looked out at the horizon thinking about how you would scale Maui and bring him down by his ears…and there your sails were.” He put the helmet back.

I found the correct cord and removed a ceiling panel that revealed the underside connection jacks to a solar charger. I plugged the cords in and moved to the stairs. Marco came up right behind me to give me a hand up the steps. Up was hard too. My chest pulled at me but, like my extremities, it was manageable and I ignored it. Nothing felt as bad as before. Up on deck I reached down to lift the panel hiding the solar charger and expose it to direct sunlight. A sharp pain sliced through my chest but I ignored it. I could stand to stress my body a little further. I’d been at rest long enough.

“I never got to see him after those Romans. After Cabo,” Marco said as he watched me work. He rubbed the scar on his forehead.

I’d graced him with that scar in Cabo. It had been an awful trip. Almost as bad as this one. I wish I had learned my lesson at that time about the dangers of taking Izzy time traveling. I’d taken her there, she’d slept with Maui, I’d shot Marco, then took her back home where she screamed at me for months about tearing her away from ‘the first hot guy I actually liked and could see myself with.’ Terrible trip. Our mother had been pissed at me too. ‘You were supposed to watch out for her and keep her safe, not hand deliver your sister into some older man’s bed. Get in the car. You both are going to the gynecologist now. We’ll get you both a good medical lecture and make sure those birth control measures are still effective. Vivienne St. Germaine had screamed at me for months afterwards too.

“That was a bad moment. I would take it back if I could. I hope you know that.” It was a poor excuse and we both knew it.

“We’ve both made mistakes.” He let me off the hook.

While I was up here I began to remove all the panels hiding the solar batteries. Marco helped me when he caught on to what I was doing. We had time to work as the laptop charged and I brought the toolbox over to the engine and examined the connections. That led to me going back below deck and reworking the electrical, splicing, replacing fuses, and testing voltage. It was a relief to be able to maneuver myself in the small spaces even if I did need Marco’s help getting in and out.

When I dropped down into the bilge to reconnect the float on the pump, my chest tugged at me and I winced. My feet hit the water and I immediately felt the pull of the portal. It was angry with me. It wanted me away from here. Soon, I told it. It did not believe me and pulled hard.

Number 13’s final breath washed over me as I shoved him off. As he hit the deck I saw Number 14, poised with a giant harpoon, ready to strike. No! I tried to move but I was broken and slow. I didn’t feel the moment Number 14 stabbed down. Only now the weapon was in my chest, not his arms and I couldn’t feel anything below my stomach. Already the secondary measures were beginning. The portal was mad. The portal would have its way. It was running out of patience with me and my wandering down dangerous paths.

My chest seized up and I froze as I waited for my body to release the pain.

“Annie?” Marco called down to me. “What’s wrong?”

“Just a twinge,” I called back. “Just need a second.” The “twinge” didn’t let up, instead it dug deeper until I started curling around the injury. It felt like the portal itself was reaching up through the bilge water and trying to pull me under. It was mad. It was really mad.

When I dropped to my knees, Marco jumped down beside me and assisted me out of there and back to the galley. I kept a hand pressed to my chest to still the throbbing. The good news was that the fridge was humming again and might already be cooling down. My repairs were working. Marco convinced me to sit. It didn’t take much argument as I was leaning heavily on him for support. I taught him how to open the computer and find the number that indicated the charge.

When I could move again I hooked up my extra charging blocks to keep the laptop alive through three movies and did minor repairs in the galley. Something was wrong though and I couldn’t admit it to Marco. I was getting breathless and weak, even with these minor repairs. The portal wanted me and was letting me know it. It was rescinding its healing from the secondary measures in recompense for me disobeying its call. Either I answered the call or I rest. Those were my choices. It would have no qualms about killing me and stealing me back to the temple if I continued to resist. Whatever it took to bring me back in line. Finally I relented and sat back to wait out the batteries charging. The portal retreated just a bit, satisfied.

Marco joined me where I sat and put his arms around me briefly. “I missed you.” He kissed my cheek and sat back. 

“I’m glad you’re here.”

“Me too.”

It was easy to have Marco here in this enclosed space where no one could see us and no one could judge us. He fiddled with the spare wire spread over the table till he’d mindlessly woven an intricate bracelet.

“That’s going to cost me my running lights.” I picked up the small circlet and laughed. I put it on. It was pretty. 

When he started playing with my wire cutters I started cleaning up the tools. He could find a way to turn anything into an art project. He had poured himself a mug of water and I checked the little freezer and saw some tiny cubes had already frozen. I took Marco’s mug and added some of the ice to it for him so it would be extra cold. The fridge captivated him as much as Zheng.

Once all the devices were charged I put them in a cloth bag to carry to my tent. Marco had to help me up the stairs. I needed a few breaks between my ship and my tent too. The harpoon wound stabbed at me sharply as I walked. I tried to keep pressure against the wound but the pain was going deep and it made me nervous. Marco was patient with me as we sat two or three times till my wounds stopped throbbing.

“Zheng is confident Mo will come and bring more Fountain. Barring that, you could maybe direct me to the portal. If you sail us in, I’d take it from there. Get you Fountained up and right as rain.” He rubbed my back as I tried to catch my breath.

“I’ll be fine,” I wheezed. I swear the docks were extra far today.

“On a scale where one is getting dressed in those terrible hooded shirts of yours, and ten is getting a hole drilled in your head, where are you?”

“Seven. I’m not dead but it sounds so very restful.” I clutched the wound in my abdomen and tried to hold myself together. The tent was still yards and yards away. Marco scooped me up like he had the first day I’d woken up here and carried me on to the tent.

“I can walk,” I protested.

“I know that.” He didn’t lower me even an inch.

“I’m doing better.” It was a huge relief not to have to walk.

“I know that too.” We were at the door to my tent already. I’d been slow these last few days.

We entered the tent and it was a second before I registered the changes. My bed, a pallet really, had doubled in size. There was a stack of clothing folded neatly on a new rug. In the corner on a table was an oil lamp I did not recognize. Alongside the oil lamp was a collection of figurines, three books, and various odds and ends.

“You moved in.” Marco didn’t have much but what he did have was here now. “That’s your bed next to mine.”

“The floor was becoming uncomfortable.” He hadn’t put me down yet.

“But this isn’t your tent.”

“We sleep together every night. This is surprising to no one but you,” he sighed and put me gently on my feet. “If your sister weren’t here, would you care this much about where I slept?”

“No.” If Izzy weren’t here I wouldn’t give a second thought to Marco sharing my bed. Ever since we shipwrecked on the shore of the temple we’d been at each other’s back, day and night. Until we’d been separated, we’d been within arms reach of each other.

I lowered myself to the bed and put my bag of 21st items on the ground.

“With her watching, it feels…significant.” I couldn’t explain it.

“Tell me to take it all away. I want to stay but you can say otherwise.” He was too good.

“Your pillow looks much nicer than mine.” I reached over for it and admired the downy softness.

“It is.” He sat next to me and tried to take it from my hands.

“Can we share it?” I held on and brought him closer.

“I’m not that easy.” He was inches from my face. My heart pounded. We were technically in his bed now, close to his sheets. I leaned forward…and my chest seized up around the wound. I gasped and doubled over.

“Annie!” He was around me in an instant, pulling me to him and rubbing my back until I could breathe. “Damn. I’m out of practice with your tolerance scale. Lie back. Let me check this.” He eased me back on the bed and even put his nicer-than-mine pillow behind my head.

I groaned and hissed through gritted teeth as I stretched back. He pulled up my shirt. We were doing this all wrong. I was supposed to have kissed him. He would lay me back in the bed and I’d be sighing instead of gritting my teeth. He would lift my shirt off and not say:

“Annie, you’re bleeding through the bandages. This all has to be cut off and changed.” Marco went to work.

He ran to my ship and brought a few of the clean linen rolls I used on my legs and some other clean squares of cloth that he dipped in Izzy’s sharp smelling grain alcohol she kept around as makeshift hand sanitizer.

“The wound isn’t closed. You’ve been bleeding for a while now,” he tsked as he cleaned me up.

I covered my eyes as he worked and tried to breathe. It smelled like a cold hospital. 

“Wish we had even a little Fountain. Are you still with me?”

“Yeah,” I hissed. He packed the wound with the clean cloth then had me hold it as I sat so he could wrap the rolls around nice and tight.

And that’s how Zheng and Izzy found us as they entered our tent, my shirt off, Marco’s hands all over me, me crying out with his every movement and none of it – fucking none of it, in the way I imagined.

“Oh!” Izzy exclaimed until Zheng told her not to get excited. “Uh, are you okay, Anne?” She came over and confirmed that Marco was doing very non sexy things to me with non sexy holes in my body. Zheng just worked at setting the laptop up for our movie night and arranging our slumber party snacks.

“I’m –”

“She’s not okay,” Marco cut off my attempts to gaslight my sister. “But we are fixing that. She bled through her bandages. Too much exertion.” He gestured to the bloody bandages on the floor next to our bed.

“God, Anne, I told you to chill out.” She took the other end of the wrap and held it, and me, in place as they bound me up. “It’s like you want to die again.”

“I am chilled out.” I said the words with the last of my air supply as they wrapped me tighter than a boa constrictor. Neither one cared.

“She actually believes that.” Marco chuckled and my sister sighed/laughed at me too. I was not enjoying their seemingly delightful association with each other.

Zheng flopped down next to me. She smelled strongly of some type of smoke and so did Izzy. I looked around as they kept working on me and noticed that there was no alcohol, nothing that resembled a hookah or joint or cigarette, this place was dry.

“Are you two done yet?” Her Excellency grabbed one of my hands and started filing my nails. She remembered only a few things about slumber parties, and manicures were one of them. Eating popcorn, pillow fights, and calling boys were some of her other recollections. When we were together here she made do with analogs of those activities. 

“It’s supposed to be no boys allowed.” She didn’t get up to kick Marco out though.

My two home health professionals finally deemed me mummified. Izzy brought over several poofs and plush rugs to the floor by my bed. Apparently I was not required to move. She and Zheng arranged the snacks as Marco arranged himself as my backrest.

As Zheng and Izzy quibbled over which movie to start with I relaxed back into his chest, “Will it scar badly?” I whispered. I ran my fingers over the new wraps. I didn’t want another scar.

“Looks like it will scar, yes.” Marco tightened his grip on me as Izzy and Zheng settled on Groundhog Day. I don’t know why but his admission did me in. My ship was broken. I was broken. Now I’d have another massive scar to cover up. I was Humpty Dumpty and would never be whole again.

The opening music for the movie began and I closed my eyes. I didn’t know how to make it work. I didn’t know what to do with him. I didn’t know what to do with Izzy. All the rules were thrown out the window. Once again, I saw my reflection in the waves and wished it was me beneath the water.

Marco shifted me in his arms and I could feel him softly humming his old song of mourning. The laptop speakers blared, the guards outside our tent shouted and played, out in the compound was noise and instruments; his song was only heard by the two of us.

I fell asleep. I always slept better with Marco.

****

I walked down the dock in the bright sunshine to Marco’s seaside shack. He’d expounded about it on the way over from the mainland and was proud of every driftwood board he’d nailed into place. Marco held the door flap open for me. I’d wanted to drop him off and leave. Reasons to run away from here, from him, piled onto my list: Izzy was waiting for me in Cabo; I did not need to start anything up with him again; His shack was going to fall down on us in the first rainstorm.

I walked inside.

He rubbed his hands down my shoulders and kissed my neck. I shouldn’t do this. I pulled his arms around me and let him continue to kiss down my neck. It was too good with him, too easy. I turned and brought his exploring lips up to mine.

We made it to the bed but our clothes did not. They lay in a discarded pile topped off with our sanity and good judgment.