Greenland: Where to?

Elizabeth sailed us around the coast, staying within sight of land, as I dressed in my Greenland regalia. I sat at the prow and let the sun glint off my helmet as I sweat in the heavy winter clothing and cloak. The villagers watched and waved as we returned. I signaled to them to bring the boats.

While the two of us waited on the eastern coast, we’d brought all the villager cargo up on deck. When the small row boats arrived alongside us we were able to hand them down all their items as they cheered and raced each other back to shore. Lastly, Elizabeth got our boat in the water and sat at the oarlocks as I boarded.

“I can row. Why don’t you relax. You are all wound up for nothing. They aren’t going to notice.”

“Captain, you’re wrong.” She picked up the oars and took us in.

My hope was that Izzy and Catherine had spent their day wisely and chosen a destination for the young mother and her son. After Italy, Elizabeth had begun to ask about going to “California”. As I had no current plans to lose a perfectly good first mate, we’d discussed her sailing with me to drop Izzy off back home and I’d take her on a tour of modern times. Elizabeth had asked if Catherine could relocate there. I’d given it serious consideration but didn’t think the young mother would be any better off. Catherine was born and bred for this era and for nothing else. She’d struggle with the culture shock, her lack of education, and much more. Then there would be the complications of being a teen mom in a world that would look down on her in judgment. No, we needed to find her a home here where she didn’t have to fight to survive and thrive on so many different fronts. Surely the two of them had spent the day with their heads together and had some solutions.

Izzy was waiting for us on the beach when we rowed ashore. She wrapped me in a big hug despite the helmet and cloak ensemble and I remembered all over again why I kept coming back to her. “See?” I said, “Not too long to wait, right?” The villagers on the shore ferried the windfall of cargo away on sledges and left us to our welcoming party. John Henry toddled over to Elizabeth and she picked the little boy up and swung him around. Catherine was a few paces behind her son.

“Ian?” Izzy asked. Over her shoulder Catherine had frozen. Shit. Elizabeth was right.

I wrenched my attention back to my sister. “Your husband is fine, healthy, alive. He makes it through.” I smiled at my sister. I should have lied. I would have lied except she was better at hiring chaperones than I was. Chaperones really did cramp your style. Elizabeth had stopped spinning around with her nephew. She and Catherine stood five paces apart, staring at each other.

Shit.

Dammit.

My first mate sent me a panicked look.

“Really?” Izzy burst into tears and I let her drape herself over me. Her back was to the dramatic fallout of our trip unfolding between my first mate and her relations. Catherine looked like she might be crying too but she wasn’t bringing herself closer to Elizabeth. Elizabeth’s free hand was out, clearly trying to calm her sister. “He survives the war? He won’t die on the battlefield?”

“He’s fit as a fiddle and ready for love.” I assured her. I’d just gloss over how he got a little aerated. She could go home assured that her “husband” had “survived” his war. History would gloss over the man same as I did. Catherine turned and ran to my hut. Shit. Elizabeth looked at me, devastation sunken into each of her features. She hung her head and let John Henry comfort her as he pulled on her hair. “I’ll be right back.” I left Izzy on the beach for a second and strode to the hut.

Catherine startled at my entrance, terrified by my masked and caped appearance into her moment of grief and confusion. We stared at each other for a minute. She’d been crying. I hadn’t wanted to make her cry. Of all the things Izzy cried about, my returning or looking physically different had never been one of them.

“I hate that helmet, Captain,” she sniffed. I took it off and placed it on my bed.

“Me too.” Catherine was on Maui’s bed and I joined her there.

“What did you do to her?” she accused. “You were supposed to take care of her. Isabelle assured me she’d be safe with you.”

“I kept her out longer than I should have. Please do not be angry with her. Blame me.”

“I do blame you,” Catherine exploded, then put her hand over her mouth as if she could take back the expression of emotion. I accepted her blame. She wiped her eyes. “I’m not angry with her. I’m…saddened.”

“Elizabeth is still the same person you remember. I promise.”

“No, she is not. Years change people, Captain. Perhaps they don’t change you but they do change the rest of us. You were careless with her. Now, if you’ll excuse me,” she straightened herself up and fixed me with a stare, “I’m going to go introduce myself to Elizabeth and get to know her.”

Catherine ran into Izzy at the door and the two women consoled each other for a moment before trading me off. Izzy stood with her arms crossed, foot tapping, and eyebrow raised. I put my hands up. See Izzy? I’m unarmed. I’m harmless. You don’t have to look at me like that. She took a deep breath and came to sit next to me.

“Tell me everything,” she demanded. There’d be no glossing over this one.

“I’m going to. I’m going to,” I assured her. Why was Elizabeth showing up older suddenly upsetting to her? She'd never once been upset with me about showing up looking different from when I'd left. “Take it easy on Elizabeth, she’s a little sensitive. Okay?”

“Who the hell is Elizzy?”

“Sorry. Right. Elizabeth – Bessie.” We’d been so informal in Zheng’s compound. I should have made more notes about Greenland. I should have read the notes I did make. I should have believed Elizabeth when she explained that Izzy and Catherine would take her reentry hard.

“How long were you gone, Anne?”

“We skipped around a little but Elizabeth kept count. She thinks it was five, probably closer to six years.” I don’t know how that girl had kept count. It felt like we’d barely been gone at all.

“HOLY SHIT!” She jumped up, looking at me like I’d said the world was ending tomorrow. I could hear the capital letters in her words and cringed.

“Please stay calm. She was very nervous about how you and Catherine would react. I assured her you would be okay.” She seemed to take my words into consideration. She seemed to want to take Elizabeth’s feelings into consideration. I’d take the blame for this but Izzy had been the one to suggest the girl go with me.

“But you’re okay?” She put her hand on my shoulder then moved down to take my hand. It was still so strange to have her with me like this. No one put their hands casually on me as if it was a normal, everyday occurrence. Not since – no, Graham was gone. I was moving on. If I could make it six years I could make it seven.

“I’m fine. Still sore where she hit me but otherwise good.” Elizabeth’s right hook after I lost our card game was showing up as a nice bruise on my chin, at least I assumed so. I hadn’t looked in the mirror but it felt sore.

“So what happened that it took you so long? Six years, Anne?”

What had happened? I searched my memory for details she would appreciate.

“Oh…well, after finding Ian – which took some time –” It had taken a month to get that errand completed. So that part was true. Catherine, Elizabeth, and John Henry entered at this point and the baby came over to jump on my lap. Catherine stared at me coldly and Elizabeth sat sunken in the corner. “After that I ran into some trouble and couldn’t sail back.” And after that we were having a good time and didn’t want to come back. I’d save that comment for later.

Elizabeth scoffed, “She got the skin torn off her back.” She said it just like she’d told Zheng the story over and over again as they smoked and drank into the night. My first mate realized what she’d done and clapped a hand over her mouth. I’d termed these lapses as ‘time travel jet lag”. These lags would bite me in the ass when I would order a glass of wine for dinner when I was supposed to be sixteen and Mom would frown at me and narc on me to the server. Or when Izzy would put a biology book in front of my face and remind me we had a test in two days and I would groan out loud that ‘Are you kidding me? We are still in high school!?’ Or when I’d forget that Helene hated me and we would accidentally share a pleasant moment laughing about Yvonne’s latest antics and ambitions.

“Oh my god!” Izzy stopped herself from ripping my cloak off to see Charlie’s new scars – which Elizabeth had assured me weren’t terrible. Zheng had assessed them as otherwise. I chose to believe my first mate. “While you were looking for Ian?”

“No. This was just after that. Really it wasn’t that bad. And it hardly bothers me anymore.” Only some mornings would I wake up and need to stretch or hold onto something for support till my back released.

“It was terrifying.” Elizabeth had zero chill. I scowled at her. She flipped me off then tried to pass the gesture off as scratching her forehead. Whatever, she’s the one who tied me to the mast to get back here. Welcome home, Elizabeth. “We truly couldn’t sail back till she was healed. But then we went to the 1300s and…I’m sorry. I asked for more time before returning and she agreed.”

“I should have taken you back. Catherine’s right. I was careless.” I was the oldest. I should have known better. I should have listened the first time she brought up her concerns. Though, judging by their reactions, even if she’d shown up only one or two years older we’d still be in this same conversation.

“Are you sure you’re okay?” Izzy leaned in close and lowered her voice. “Did you...you know?” She wanted to know if I’d died.

“It was close but no. I stayed in this world.” Barely. I’d clung to life by the skin of my teeth and not believing for a second that Elizabeth wouldn't bury me. If Elizabeth hadn’t intervened, Charlie would have killed me for failing him. 

“Elizabeth helped me recover. But that leads me to our next problem. We cannot go to Portugal. It’s not a big deal, it’s just not an option any more.” The guns were for Charlie. Charlie was speaking to the eminent household on my behalf for the rooms for the season. The guns were gone. Charlie and his sway with the resident duke was gone. We were out of a castle. John Henry put his head on my shoulder and I kissed his little cheek.

Commotion out the door drew my attention away from our little reunion. I kissed John Henry’s cheek again and gave him back to his mother.

“Duty calls,” I replaced my helmet on my head. “I’ll be back later and we can think about locations other than Portugal. Elizabeth, get some sleep. I won’t be able to work on the ship while I’m here. I’ll need you to handle most of the work for departure.”

“Yes, Captain.”

“Enjoy.” I took a deep breath and walked out the door to my waiting village.

The rest of the daylight hours were filled with activity. There were goods to distribute and another round of marriages. Since I’d been able to bring back fresh supplies, I visited the sick and injured to provide care and soap. My ship had far too much on board and so a second visit to my lonely mountain was required. I kept going and going and going for as long as they needed me. And as long as they needed me, I’d be whatever they needed me to be for them. Just as I was for all the people in my life across time and space.

****

When the sun dipped close to the horizon I finally made my way back to my hut. The young women must be long asleep by now. I was careful to keep quiet as I entered. John Henry was asleep in his cradle. Izzy was curled into Maui’s bed with Catherine next to her. Elizabeth was sprawled out on one of the fur covered sleeping palates. I quietly placed my helmet on my bed and shrugged out of my heavy cloak.

“Thank god,” I whispered into the dark hut when I saw there was food left out, warmed by the fire. I was starving. The embers were low but hot and I picked up a still warm crock. I settled down to eat and tried to roll the stress out of my shoulders. It had been a long day.

They were always long days. Good days though.

“Very good days,” I whispered into the glowing embers.

I miss this place.

“It misses you too.”

Hard to miss the cold though.

“You sound like Izzy.” I chuckled. A stiff breeze would set her shivering and diving for her parka.

“Anne? Who are you talking to?” Izzy spoke up from her bed. I turned to see her sitting up and watching me.

“Just myself. An old habit. Didn’t mean to wake you. Go back to sleep. Thanks for leaving me dinner.” All alone on my ship, I’d gotten into a bad habit of talking to myself like this. I often forgot other people could hear me now.

“You could probably use a good night’s sleep.” She got up from bed and started moving around.

“Probably.” I finished off my dinner. A cup appeared in my line of sight and I looked up to see Izzy in front of me, eyes soft and gentle, holding out the medicine. I took the cup from her and sipped.

"Good. Thank you." She looked relieved I hadn't put up a fight.

The medicine worked quickly or perhaps it was stronger than the few doses Elizabeth had made me lately with our dwindling supply.

“This is nice. I think I might rest a little if you don’t mind.” I took another sip and felt the relaxation spread deep into my muscles. “We were away too long,” I confessed to the blurry edges of my vision. “I’m a little tired.”

“You should rest,” she suggested.

It was a good suggestion. I shrugged out of the rest of my costume, my boots, everything that wasn’t my wraps and underclothes and fell gratefully into bed. Izzy came and sat on the edge of the pile of furs and smoothed some of the rough parts down.

“I've been thinking about Mom. I wonder if she misses us.”

“Mom is waiting right where we left her. I can draw you a picture if you like.” Elizabeth was still miffed at me for defacing her book. I’d find somewhere else to draw Izzy a stick figure of Vivienne St. Germaine. “Mom, your jobs, your friends, your life. It’s all waiting.”

“What happens after you take me home?” she asked.

“You live happily ever after in air conditioned bliss.” God, I missed air conditioning and central heat. “Playing on your phone into the sunset, enjoying indoor plumbing and fabric softener.” I grinned and took another sip. In my mind she was beyond happy and content, sitting on the giant wrap around couch at Heron’s Landing, texting her friends, not emptying her own chamber pot.

“That’s not what I meant, Anne. You said-- you said–” Izzy leaned in closer, “Are you planning on ditching me?”

“Ditching you?” Even my medicine could decipher what she could mean by that. “No. Getting you back to your real life? Yes.” Grocery stores. Indoor plumbing. Tupperware. Shoes that are differentiated between right and left feet.

“And then I’ll see you for Christmas?” she asked.

I started to chuckle but she fixed me with a serious face. Christmas? No. She wasn’t asking about a holiday. She was asking if I’d be home for the holidays.

“We’ve been over this. Remember?” She’d slapped me then stormed down to her cabin and told me she was moving out when we got back home too. We were both moving on. That was kind of the whole damn point of this hell hole of a trip.

“Not really.” She was a terrible liar. “Do you have plans for Christmas?”

“That I invited you on this trip because our lives are going in different directions? That we are drifting apart? Any of this ring a bell?” This was our last trip together and I’d already pushed it too far, fallen into bad habits. She’d seen far too much about me than she ever should have. If she remembered anything from our trip out of Bermuda and into that storm she must understand that.

“I mean, that was ages ago.”

“Izzy, when I take you home --” I wish she wouldn’t look at me like that. I wish this medicine made me more poetic than less. “I’m Moving out. Moving on. I don’t plan to go back to the 21st after I take you home.” My memory was patchy at times but I had rehearsed saying this to her. I remembered sitting on my ship and rehearsing the goodbye line about drifting apart and how I couldn’t hang around her forever. I know I’d said this.

“What? You mean, like ever?” Izzy was making it mighty difficult to fall asleep.

I looked over to Elizabeth who had rolled over in her sleep. It was never a good idea to wake my cranky first mate up out of a dead sleep. She could be really mean with all her, You are the worst! And her, Not again, Captain! And also her, do that again and I’m throwing you overboard to see if you can survive a shark biting you in half!

Ah sharks, good times.

Right? I laughed. We did have some good times.

“You’re never coming home again?” She looked so young. I was supposed to be young like that. I was no longer that young. I was old. Too old.

“I can’t keep going back. I have to move on. I’m not doing well.” Mo said so. Zheng said so. Hell, even Izzy herself had said so. I took another sip of medicine as extra added punctuation to that statement.

Keep it together.

I’m trying.

Izzy started and stopped herself from saying a multitude of different responses, a multitude of different lies to both herself and me. Then she stopped and only said, “I’m not ready to go home yet.”

You must consider that it is time to let her go. Mo had told me that.

She needs to let go of you too. Is that what you are holding on for? Are you waiting for her to say her goodbyes? 

Heeny –

Rule number four: No goodbyes.

If she let you go, you could move on. Mo says the temple is not a prison. You could –

I’m not ready.

Far away the portal thundered.

I wasn’t ready and it looked like Izzy might not be ready either. I know she wanted to stay for her husband but perhaps she wanted to stay a little bit for me too?

“Then let’s not go home yet.” I hugged her and held on tight. I didn’t have to let her go yet. I wasn’t going to let her go a second before I had to and judging by how fierce she was holding onto me, that moment wasn’t here yet.

I finished what was in the cup and put it aside. My eyes were playing tricks on me. Izzy was next to me and Maui sat on his bed across the way. He was smiling, that’s how I knew this was a dream. It was nice when old friends came to visit.

“We really can’t go to Portugal?” Izzy tucked me in and I was grateful for it.

“No. But there are other places. Many other places. Countries. Centuries. So so so many places.” Sometimes the world was huge. Sometimes the world was nothing but one nice bed in one warm hut.

“England, China....Elizabeth said you went around the world.” Izzy’s voice started drifting away from me like the tide.

“Well, they don’t call me the Bitch Captain of the Atlantic.” I laughed at my little joke. Maui laughed too. I pulled her cheek close and kissed it. I had missed her.

Go to sleep. You are a terrible comedian. Just awful.

“Love you too,” I laughed and let sleep overtake me. It had been a long day.

****

Elizabeth sat with me in the morning over a cup of hot broth while most of the village slept. It was early even though the sun was up. The sun was always up in the summer like this. After years of traveling, she and I were still on our boat schedule. We’d started a nice little habit of sharing a morning cup of something hot between the night and day shift. The morning was a cool and slightly clammy one and we sat next to each other by the fire behind my hut so I could sit unmasked.

“They look exactly the same but not exactly the same,” Elizabeth said as her mug steamed under her face. I’d been going over lists of chores and looked over at her. She worried the rim of her cup. I twisted to look into the hut where the other three were still asleep.

“They are exactly the same. To them we were gone less than a full day.” I refilled her cup.

“She looks…young. Why does she look young?” Emotion pulled at her voice and she stared at the hut where Catherine was asleep.

I put my hand on my first mate’s shoulder. This was one of the harder aspects of my career, this balancing of my experiences against the static nature of my home life. The first time I was gone for a significant period of time was when Izzy was 16. It was well over a decade, possibly more like two or three decades, before I made my way back to her. So much had happened to me in that time and yet Izzy was as unchanged as she’d ever been. The adjustment back into who I’d been before I’d left had been an arduous affair. At that time Izzy was 16 and dammit, I was going to be 16 too. So I’d hammered at my sharp edges and barbs until I fit my square peg into that round hole and frog marched myself through life with her and my mother until it was time to leave again.

“She looks young because she is young,” I answered Elizabeth. “You said we were gone how long?”

“Six years.”

“Right. So you are now six years older than she is.”

“We’ve always been the same age. That’s why I was…” she trailed off, preferring not to think of her younger days.

“Do you regret coming along with me?”

“I wish I had known a bit more about what we were doing," she smiled, “but no, I do not regret it.”

“I never do either.”

Inside, John Henry gave a cry and we both polished off our mugs. The day called. In the distance feel the pull of the portal reaching out to me. The look on Elizabeth’s face made it seem like she felt that pull too. That look was beyond familiar to me. It was the lure of adventure and unimagined freedom and experience. I had a crewmate for life.

****

This day would be another long one; hopefully my last full day in costume. Towards that end the ship needed to be prepped and a destination chosen.

“Okay,” I stopped the women before they could get too deep into their preparations to leave the hut, “ship will be ready soon.” Elizabeth nodded in confirmation. “Greenland is not a place for long layovers. Portugal’s out. So, question is, where to?” I held out my hands, open for suggestions, and Izzy put a bowl in them. Yes, it was probably a good idea to eat. I took a seat on my bed.

“I’m with you, Captain. You know that.” Elizabeth sat next to me.

“Of course. Thank you.” We sipped. Yes, I had a first mate for life…hers at least.

Izzy came and sat across from us“I think we have a few different goals here. We need to get Catherine and John Henry suitably established, and I need to reunite with Ian before–” Izzy couldn’t help herself, her eyes slipped to Elizabeth before wringing her hands and fretting, “before too much time has passed.”

“Yes. I agree. You have a lot waiting for you at home too.” Her whole life was waiting; a million doodles of horses and kitchens, friends and loved ones and people counting on her were drawn on the top corner of her chapter entitled: Izzy In The 21st Century. I didn’t want to see her lose everything she’d worked so hard to attain. If I did, I wouldn’t just be failing her. I’d be failing all our mother’s efforts. All of Rose and Elias’s efforts. All the doctors and therapists and teachers and friends who expected her to thrive in her own time and space.

Where does she want to thrive?

Trick question. She thrived everywhere.

I rubbed my eyes and chose a country. “So where does that leave us? How does Greece sound?” The Mediterranean was John Henry’s best bet for blending in without too many nonnas side eyeing him and his mother.

“Do you speak Greek, Catherine? Or whatever it is they speak there these days.” Izzy asked the young mother. I appreciated her concern but not her coddling. Catherine needed to grow a thick skin and fast.

“She could learn,” I insisted.

“I was just asking!” Izzy glared. She was still upset that our theories differed regarding how best to set Catherine up for success in her future endeavours. I still maintained that there was no need to reinvent the wheel. It was the 17th century, Catherine was a young unwed mother. The instruction manual for her and her child’s health, wealth, and stability was written there in every fairytale, fable, story, and soap opera penned from the dawn of time: walk down that aisle, get married, live as happily ever after as legally allowed by your husband and king. I’d never had to play matchmaker before but I was confident I could find Catherine a nice man with a decent acreage and an income. Dowry wouldn’t be a problem.

“Italy. Prussia. Denmark,” I rattled off stable countries I was familiar with.

“Perhaps France? Little Jean would adore having a baby around,” Elizabeth suggested.

“It’s a thought.” Little Jean was too old to consider him as a match. He was also too old to provide much in the way of stability. When he died, Catherine would be back in the exact same position only now she’d be at the predatory mercy of those who’d want to claim Little Jean’s home and business as their own.

“Let’s take her someplace where Elizabeth and John Henry and I won’t stick out like sore thumbs.” Izzy said this, but hadn’t she JUST asked to go to England? I need to reunite with Ian before too much time passes. That meant England. Hormones were powerful blinders.

“The Baltics. Turkey,” I kept listing countries. These ones at least had a fair amount of trade and diversity across the silk road.

“Western Europe has options. Albania and Bulgaria. Places around the Black Sea,” Elizabeth offered.

“Croatia. Beirut. What’s the Czech Republic going by these days? The colonies are also an option.” Up and down the eastern coast and islands of the Americas were full of colonies where immigrants were just beginning to establish livelihoods. Settlers would jump at the chance to marry a beautiful young wife who had proof drooling on her knee that she was a fertile and capable mother. The colonies were also an easy place for me to travel and check up on her and the baby.

“Not with John Henry it isn’t.” Izzy ruined my plans once again. She had a point. Catherine and John Henry could be safe for a generation with the right husband but possibly not his children or his children’s children as history wound its way forward.

“Good point. Dammit.” I conceded. “Portugal would have been perfect.” My back spasmed in memory of Charlie’s whip.

“Why not reunite with the lieutenant commander now?” Catherine spoke up, louder than I think I’d ever heard her voice get, and that included the time she bludgeoned that fish. “You are the one who is married,” she pointed squarely at Izzy, “It’s time you are with your husband,” she concluded with a special emphasis on the word ‘your’ for good measure. In other words, enough about the particular nationality of her next husband.

“He’s at war.” I felt dirty just thinking about how much Fountain I’d had to shove down my jailor’s throat just so Izzy could get laid again.

“Not for long. And he can always go home to visit her.” Catherine turned on me, arms crossed.

“Go home? They aren’t living together.” Izzy may have dreamed of living in a castle as a little girl but in reality castles had rats and terrible interior lighting. Also, I’d just seen Ian’s castle get burned to the ground. They weren’t living there.

“Well no. Not now. We are in Greenland, Captain and he is in England,” Catherine pointed out, oh so pragmatically. Elizabeth started snorting with laughter. Would no one forgive me, ever, for those first few days outbound from Bermuda?

“I know!” I threw a crust of toast at my first mate to end her giggle fit. She just laughed harder. “No. I meant that Izzy doesn’t live here. She lives in…California.” I used Izzy’s code word for the big bad scary future.

“Isabelle is married. She lives here and she is to live with her husband,” Catherine checkmated me. They were my same words to her from our short discussions about her future while we’d sailed. I was liking her more and more everyday. She had a little vinegar in her soul and I was enjoying it.

“Live with him? Wait…Izzy?” I wanted to hear it straight from the horse lover's mouth that she intended to shack up with that young lieutenant.

“It is unfamiliar to you that a husband and wife should wish to live together? Seriously?” Izzy blocking.

“I guess…” Yes, spouses typically shared the same housing situation, that was not unfamiliar to me. “But…showers and plumbing…voting. Cheeseburger deliveries. Truffle fries.” She loved truffle fries. She loved them so much. She wouldn’t choose to stay here and never eat another truffle fry ever again. That was crazy. The young lieutenant couldn’t give her any truffle fries. The only thing he could give her was a mansion full of broken glass and the lingering smell of burnt orange trees. Voting was also important.

“Yes. I –” Izzy stalled as she tried to taste her truffle-fry-less future. “Well, Ian has agreed to come to California with me–”

“You told Ian about where you are from? Seriously?” I copied her eye rolling and ‘are you kidding me, Anne’ energy from a second ago.

“Not exactly. Not yet. So there’s that little bit.” Yes, that little ‘bit’. That ‘bit’ where she explained that California was not a delightful little country with quirky traditions about female empowerment, birth control, and a strong infrastructure of roadway systems. “But I have told him lots about home and he says it sounds idyllic. So I just need to fill in a few more details.”

“A few small details?” Try 400 years worth of details and culture shock. “Let me get this right, are you saying you plan on bringing him home from vacation? Like a souvenir?” Look, ma! He was on sale at the hotel gift shop. I just couldn’t leave him. Could you? “You can’t just willy-nilly take people away from their lives!”

Here, all movement stopped. Catherine raised her chin at me, defiant. Elizabeth smirked and shook her head. Izzy looked like she wanted to stuff an apple in my mouth and serve my head on a platter. I could even imagine the entirety of this small Greenland village screeching to a halt so that they could share in these young women’s moment of incredulity. All their ancestors would join in with them on giving me history’s most impressive side eye ever at that statement.

“Well, you can’t,” I mumbled and rubbed my eyes. This conversation was not going well.

“I would tell him everything first, Anne! Geez,” Izzy exploded as if I were the unbalanced one in this conversation.

Enough of this. “No men on my ship,” I stated plainly. Even those long dead pirates at Tavern Rock had known this.

“Oh. Right. But- he’s not just like a guy, Anne! He’s your brother-in-law!” Izzy fumed at my flippance about her super serious Vegas style wedding.

“Even worse.” That young lieutenant was staying here in his truffle fry-less desert.

“So Izzy – Isabelle goes to England,” Elizabeth interjected. “Focus Captain, where can we hide Catherine while Izzy gets laid –” she coughed to try and cover her jet-lag lapse. I cracked up as Izzy and Catherine looked horrified, “the Lieutenant Commander and Lady Isabelle back together,” my first mate amended in a sad attempt to not sound like she’d spent the last six years surrounded by pirates and low lifes. Izzy handed her a cup of water with a scowl on her face. Elizabeth took a sip to continue her innocence act.

“I’m not going to hide,” Catherine faced her sister.

“We can’t have you seen. I won’t put you in danger like that.” Elizabeth countered.

“Just because you are six years older now does not make –”

“This has nothing to do with being older. I’m trying to keep you from –”

“No. You are not leaving me behind. If you are going to England then so am I!” Catherine stamped her foot and declared.

“England is dangerous for you. What if they find you? They will stick you right back on a ship to the commander–”

“Then so be it!” Catherine stated. End of story. She scooped up John Henry and sat herself down right next to Elizabeth, her friend, her family. She was going where Elizabeth was going. She wanted to be at her sister’s side. It didn’t matter to her how long Elizabeth had been away or how much she’d changed. She wanted to stay together and get to know her. Elizabeth looked ready to melt from the warmth of Catherine’s acceptance. She wound her fingers into Catherine’s and squeezed. I was jealous.

“Catherine, I only need a few days to talk to him. Do you think you would hide out for like, three days?” Izzy watched the pair the same as I did. “I don’t want to go home without seeing Catherine and John Henry established.”

“Three days? You only need three days?” Three days was not a lifetime. Three days did not equal moving in together. Three days was all the time I needed.

“I think so. I’ll need to break it to him gently, but it doesn’t take that long to say ‘I’m from the future, and we have clean running water, do you want to come with me?’ Or something better than that,” she explained, calm and in control.

No, it didn’t take long at all to say that. When I’d told Izzy she had shoved me off a dock, screamed her head off at me, tortured me with first aid, slapped me, and gotten engaged all because she’d learned a few ‘bits’ and ‘details’ about time travel. Three days. It was plenty of time.

If he was anything like his bride…“Putting aside the fact that I don’t allow men on my ship,” I started. I needed to get a few more ‘details’ myself. “Izzy, do you have a backup plan for if he doesn’t want to leave when he fully understands where “California” is?”

“Oh. In that case, I guess we would have a lot more to talk about.”

Was it wrong, what I was about to do? Was it cheating? Or was it simply how her story was going to work out? It wouldn’t be the first time she’d come out backwards on a time travel love affair. Maui had set the precedent, I was simply following the course he charted.

October 13th, 1650, the young lieutenant was shot through the ribs. His family lay dead at his side. His manor burning all around him. He had asked me where she was. He had asked that because she wasn’t there and he didn’t know where she was. In just over a year from now, the fall of 1650, they were not together.

Had he broken her heart? Had he learned who she was and where she was from and then pushed her away, hurt her, run from her? And because he’d done that, had she gone home and resumed her life?

Was it cheating?

“Izzy, would you like to go now?” It wasn’t cheating. It wasn’t changing anything. It was just how her story went. Why was I nervous?

“You- mean you would take me to see Ian now? Really?” She clasped her heart.

“Captain, bad idea,” Elizabeth chimed in.

“It’ll be fine.” Better than fine. Let the young lieutenant refuse her. He would be the villain. I could sit next to her and comfort her and tell her it would all be alright. I would be able to drag his name through the mud as I charted a course to the 21st and the nearest restaurant serving margaritas and comfort food. And it would all be his fault. If I played this right, it would all be okay. She might not hate me. At least, perhaps she’d hate me a little less than her soldier?

“Captain, bad idea –”

“It’ll be fine. It’s low risk,” I insisted. This whole gambit was low risk. It was. It was a clean and tidy wrap up to the comedy of errors this summer had turned into. “The portal is less than a day from here. Sail in, sail out by Rotterdam.” I could get us there. “Izzy could be with him in a matter of days.”

Elizabeth watched me skeptically. We’d hit rough waters enough times to keep her on edge. There was no need to be on edge. This was clean. This was perfect. We’d sail into Avington. The young lieutenant would refuse her. We’d sail home. He’d be alone on the lawn, shot through the chest, and lit by his burning manor. He’d be alone and asking where my sister was. The answer was that she’d gone home.

Risk was part and parcel of any trip through the portal. It had rules just like I did. Time needed to be served first before allowing passage through space. Traveling space alone required sacrifices. Elizabeth and I had been traveling the portal almost constantly the past few years. All that travel had bankrolled some goodwill in my favor. I could draw on that now and get across one lousy ocean to one lousy estate for one lousy husband.

“Seriously, Anne? Oh my god, thank you, thank you, thank you!” Izzy jumped up and tackled me back into the bed. I put my arms around her. It was all going to be alright.

****

This was not cheating. It was not. This was a clean and tidy end to Izzy’s story. Izzy “Sanitize the World” Deveraux St. Germaine loved things to be clean and tidy. This was not cheating. Using the information I had learned was application not deception. I knew he was alone on that lawn because Izzy had gone home. She would only have gone home if he’d turned her away.

I’d allowed us to remain in Greenland for a few days to rest, finalize departure plans, and settle village business. Now it was time to leave. Yesterday, I’d made a special trip to my lonely mountain to secure enough of a dowry to see Catherine and John Henry settled comfortably wherever we could manage it. When I judged the tides right, I made the announcement that it was time for departure.

This morning I stood on the beach in my helmet and fur cape and watched as Elizabeth and the villagers prepared for our departure. Catherine and John Henry were already on the ship and Izzy was saying farewell to some of the people she’d befriended. I stood with the community elders as the last round of goods from my lonely mountain were rowed out to the Try Your Luck.

I signed to the elders that all was going well. They had expressed confusion that neither John Henry or any of the women I’d brought here were staying. It was a departure from their myths. When I sailed in with people on my ship, those people became new members of their community. In none of their histories did the people leave with me. The elders had been disappointed to lose out on the new lives. They didn’t say it quite that boldly to me but I understood enough of their language that the meaning filtered through.

Something bumped into my leg followed by the elders exclaiming and making shooing motions. I looked down and saw a goat had just head butted me. It stared me down, ignored the elders’ exclamations, head butted me again and gave a short bleat.

“Anne!” Izzy raced into view as fast as her poncho/skirt combination allowed her to race. “I named her Dame Emmanuelle and I love her.” She attempted to wrestle the goat from my side. The thing wouldn’t budge. It started eating my cloak. “Doesn’t she look just like Missy Bleatingtion?” she asked as if I had a prayer of remembering who that could possibly be.

The elders kept exclaiming and two young villagers tried to answer their demands. There were many gestures between Izzy and the goat and me and the ship. Izzy hugged the goat and kept looking at me in a panic.

Remember when they tried to give us a musk ox?

“Piloqutinnguaq and Ulloriaq gave her to me!” Izzy’s eyes found the young couple over by the gesturing elders. They must be the goat gifters. “And Elizabeth says she’ll help - she has experience with farm animals. We’re all going to go harvest some greens and things for her. And we can feed her.” Here, Izzy displayed her ability to feed this goat by pulling a handful of grass out of her pocket – out of the pocket it had taken me a day and a half to pattern and sew into expensive silk. Out of that pocket she took a handful of dirty grass. “And she won’t be a burden! Think of all the fresh milk and cheese we’ll have for the journey.”

Believe it or not I had experience with goats on boats. If you could get past the smell and you weren’t the one in charge of milking them, they weren’t the worst. This goat kept chewing and pulling my cloak and head butting me. 

For some reason goats loved me.

The caribou antlers were cool. Couldn’t make cheese from them though.

“You’re not going to make me give her back, are you? It seemed like it would be a cultural insult or something if I declined. And I’m already worried that I offended them because at first I thought they wanted me to sacrifice the poor thing!”

Better than another husband.

I let Izzy sweat for a minute. “First pile of poop I step in and I’m throwing it to the sharks. Get it on board.”

She dissolved with joy over her smelly, milky, new therapy animal. When Elizabeth rowed back ashore, she packed Izzy, this goat, and bales and bales of grass, weeds, and other greens into the small boat. Elizabeth rowed them out to the ship with the rest of the luggage then finally came back for me.

I signed my farewell to the village. The chief signed back that they would welcome me again the next time. I helped shove the little boat into the water and sat in the prow, helmeted head gleaming in the sun, as Elizabeth rowed us away.

Elizabeth and I raised the Try Your Luck’s sails together and my heart soared as the wind filled them and the ship began to move. We were on our way.

****

I relieved Elizabeth at the wheel as we closed in on the portal. She went below with Catherine and John Henry. They’d continue their “get to know you” discussions while making John Henry a snack. We were barely out of sight of land but Izzy was already working away in the galley. I focused on the portal ahead of us.

This was not cheating. It wasn’t. It wasn’t cheating. It was a clean conclusion to the messy state of affairs this trip had marinated in since Tavern Rock. Once you know better, do better. That’s what I was doing. I knew things now and I was using that information to make better choices.

It was not cheating.

I was charting a specific course. We’d hit England the same time as the young lieutenant’s ship arrived with him fresh from Bermuda. Did the portal like it when I navigated Space only and little to no Time? No. But there were ways around that. Besides, Izzy had demanded a vow from me that I would take her home. We’d used portal water to seal that vow. It would want her home just as badly as I did. We would dock. That young lieutenant would dock. Izzy would get rejected. I would stash Elizabeth, Catherine and the baby with Little Jean for an hour or so as I took Izzy home. Then I’d pick them up and use the massive treasure I’d secured for Catherine’s dowry to find them somewhere comfortable to live out their lives.

It was clean, elegant, and most of all, not cheating.

It wasn’t.

I mean it, it wasn’t cheating.

It wasn’t.

Izzy brought up food and her stupid new goat trotted over for love and attention and scraps of garden clippings. She gave me the goat’s plate and when I questioned her on it she corrected me exclaiming that it wasn’t garden clippings, it was a salad. She put a pail of what looked like the exact same “salad” down for the goat and we both started munching our greens, the goat much happier than I was.

“So,” she flounced down next to me and my roughage. She was altogether too bright and chipper. It set me on edge. There were no horses she could strap me to out here but I sensed great danger. She was far too happy. “Tell me about Marco. The handsome pirate you married?”

“Oh fuck.” I grasped the tattoo on my forearm, a souvenir from our marriage. “I forgot about that. Look at the time.” I stared up at the sun as if the time of day would ever make a difference to my sister when she had a juicy piece of gossip she could interrogate me about. “I gotta go.” I made a futile attempt to escape but she brought me right back down.

“Don’t even think about it.” She shoved my plate of “salad” back on my lap and threatened me with a fork. “Come on! You got to come to my wedding and you won’t even tell me about yours? Or the husband? Spill, bitch!” She jabbed me in the ribs.

“You’ve already met him!” I groaned and stabbed at what I hoped was a poisonous berry I could choke and die on to get out of this conversation. Fucking turkey berry. Not poisoned yet. “What do you want to know?”

“I met him for five minutes in a firefight! Tell me about my brother-in-law!” Technically she’d met him one other time but I wasn’t surprised she didn’t recognize him. I sighed. Where to start? Marco…fucking Marco. Last time I saw you, you were in my bed, under my sheets. I shivered. That could be anytime at all. Go back to Greenland. Do what you need to do and come find me. It didn’t mean a thing. Nothing. He had been talking out of his ass.

“First, and let’s make this really clear, he is NOT your brother-in-law. We were so young.” We knew nothing about anything. Just knew what we thought we wanted, what we thought was meaningful.

“How young were you?” she asked. I leaned back and tried to do the math. It was easier to count the years closer to childhood.

“Oh god, probably 24 or 25.” Time at the temple twisted in on itself and I’d already been traveling the portal for years but it had to be close to that. Right? Probably. Didn’t matter. I could still feel Marco’s hand in mine as he brought me to bed. I could hear him murmur my name late at night when we were all alone.

Izzy’s scoff brought me back. “That’s not THAT young,” she admonished, gesturing to her own 25 year old self. Yes, Izzy. It is young. I suddenly felt like a stranger to her. I looked out at the water so I didn’t have to examine the differences between us. “So you married him a few hundred years ago?”

“Like I said, we were young. We didn’t know anything…ancient history.” Last time I saw you, you were in my bed, under my sheets. He was talking out of his ass. He was a con man. None of his words meant anything. Not too long away this time, Nanette. Yes? Graham was still out there, waiting for me. Next time he saw me would be in St. George’s among the flames. I should have said yes to him.

“Alright...Well, how did you do in the divorce? Did you get a house or jewels or anything?” She smiled and laughed at her joke but I was torn from one scene of death and devastation to another.

“We didn’t get a divorce. I died.” I couldn’t keep anyone…or perhaps more to the point, no one could keep me.

“Oh. Well shit. That’s....wow. Sorry.” She pet her new goat for comfort. That thing was going to look great on a fork.

“We didn’t know then that death wasn’t the end for us. We didn’t know anything. I was the first one of us who died.” Our whole family had broken up after that. Mo and Zheng went their separate ways. Marco and Maui traveled together till they were captured. Until I sailed to each of them there was no way for them to reunite. “I went to find him years later but he’d moved on.”

I was the first of his wives but not the last. He’d found many women to fill his days and had many children with them. 

“So yeah, I was married but it’s ancient history, for both of us.”

Come find me soon, Annie.

I shook it off. He was ancient history.

“That was your first time?” she asked.

“Marrying or dying?” I refocused on the portal. We were about there. The wind was with us and speeding us along at a perfect fourteen knots. I adjusted our course. Just another minute and we’d be in.

“Dying. You were married to Marco the first time you died?”

“Yeah.” Only a little further. Almost there.

“How-- wait. I don’t know if there’s an etiquette to this thing. Would it be rude for me to ask you how you died? The first time, I mean?”

“Oh. Um. No, not impolite.” I brought us right up to the event horizon of the portal and rode the edge till I had the course I wanted. “I just never thought I’d be having this conversation.” I eased the port side into the portal. We were in. “I was on a ship with my friend and I…there was a problem. I bled out.” She didn’t need to know the gory details of how there was blood…just everywhere. I eased the rest of the ship into the portal.

“Oh god. That sounds awful. And terrifying.” The goat had its tasty head on her lap now.

Heat slammed into the boat, feeling like an oppressive humid umbrella after the crisp arctic summer. I frowned. That wasn’t a good sign.

“Pretty much. Like I said, ancient history. Till death do us part, right? Nothing to know. It’s over.” The Try Your Luck glided for probably fifty yards before the wind dropped out of the sails and we came to a dead stop.

Shit.

I jumped up and ran to the rail. The ocean was placid bath water. The sky above, an unrelenting cloudless dome of radiant sun.

Shit. Shit. Shit.

“Ummm. What happened to the sails? We just had wind a second ago…” Izzy asked from behind me. I looked back up at the sky hoping for indications that this was a fluke.

“We’re in the portal now.” The sun beat down on the deck, already heating it up under my feet. “Sometimes the weather is different in here.” I shaded my eyes and tried to detect if there was any current to work with.

“So it’s just a temporary thing?

“Yeah.” Where was the current? “Just temporary.” I adjusted my hat. This was not good. I tried to see if there were any available exits we could take. Nothing. We were becalmed and staying that way. Shit.

“Okay. Well I am going to temporarily take my ass downstairs because it’s suddenly hotter than death and I’m still dressed for Santa’s neighborhood.”

“Okay. Bye. Merry Christmas –” I looked up and saw her at the stairs. It wasn’t Christmas. Too hot for Christmas, “Or, no – sorry. Enjoy your nap.” I kept looking out at the dead air.

Well, this should be fun.

Crap.

“It’s not cheating,” I told the still water. The sun grew hotter in answer.